Hump Day Trailer Roundup

In the hopes of making your week a little more tolerable, I present to you, four trailers guaranteed to help you along.

Teeth, directed by Mitchell Lichtenstein, is the story of a girl, and her clash with the legend of the vagina dentata.


Machine Girl, directed by Noboru Iguchi, speaks for itself.


The Cottage, directed by Paul Andrew Willams, looks to be another great British horror comedy.


And finally, Chocolate, directed by Prachya Pinkaew (Ong Bak, Tom Yum Goong/The Protector) looks to be one of the greatest martial arts films ever. Assuming you don't find autism-fu offensive.

Quick Update

I apologize for the lack of updates and posts this week. We're currently considering producing a blogcast/podcast here at That Will Teach Them and that has been eating up most of my attention. Expect an obscure DVD review later in the week as well as a trailer premiere. Be Seeing you.

Quantum of Frustration

As I mentioned in an earlier posting, I love the title Quantum of Solace, which has been picked for the new Bond film. However, the mainstream media has decided it sucks and we all hate it. I highly recommend you all read this article about it over at Commander Bond. Also, if your curious as to the meaning of this title and it's context, the article should help you there as well.

Subject Designate Cloverfield

So, I saw Cloverfield with a few friends the other day and I've been wary of posting my thoughts about it until after a long gestation period (i.e. multiple watches and a few years of afterthought... yeah, I'm crazy). However, I will say, it's, at least, fun as hell! If you didn't like it, you either don't know what fun is, or you get sick easily. That being said, there are two reviews I'd like to point you to that sum up my feelings and represent the two sides of the same monstrous-city-fucking coin inside me. One is Tim Lucas' somewhat overly upbeat review here, and Dave Canfield's more reserved review here.

EDIT: Well, it seems Tim Lucas has had a second viewing of the film and now his thoughts are more in line with Dave Canfield's. Read it here.

Quantum of Solace

Yes, it's been revealed that the title of the new Bond film is Quantum of Solace. If your asking yourself, "what the hell does that mean?" all I can say is, read a book! Quantum of Solace is the title of a short story in the James Bond short story collection For Your Eyes Only. I have been lobbying for this title as it fits perfectly with Bond's relationship with Vesper and her's with her boyfriend. So, since I'm excited about this, I thought I'd give you your official rundown on the film.

Cast
Daniel Craig
Craig, of course, returns as the blue collar Bond. He is without a doubt the manliest, most bad ass Bond yet, but despite his awesome performance in Casino Royale, Craig, and the film itself, still have a lot to live up to. Was the first film just a flash in the pan? I seriously fucking doubt it, considering it's in my top 3 Bond films of all time.




Olga Kurylenko
Olga Kurylenko plays the main Bond girl in this affair and goes by the name of Camille.
If your not familiar with Olga, that's not surprising. Her first English language film was the recent Hitman. Her character, Camille, is apparently out for revenge against the same people as Bond, so they team up, and most likely screw.



Gemma Arterton
Gemma Arterton is an up and coming actress who is cute as hell! Apparently she's done a few indie movies (St. Trinian's, 3 and Out) and some Shakespeare so, she should be pretty good. She plays agent Fields who apparently isn't in the picture too much (aka. Solange), but in my opinion, I like her more than Olga.




Mathieu Amalric
Mathieu Amalric is a very famous French actor who apparently and has been in a lot of stuff that I've never seen. Currently you can see him in the Oscar nominated film The Diving Bell and the Butterfly. Mathieu plays the villain of the piece, Dominic Greene. Who might also be... Vesper's supposedly kidnapped boyfriend! Duhnt duhnt dunh!



Jeffrey Wright
And, last but not least, the pimpin'est Felix Lieter of all time is back baby! Oh, and Dench is back as well.








Now, for those of you who want to know what the film is actually about, here is the official plot description (MINOR SPOILERS):


"QUANTUM OF SOLACE continues the high octane adventures of James Bond (DANIEL CRAIG) in CASINO ROYALE.

Betrayed by Vesper, the woman he loved, 007 fights the urge to make his latest mission personal. Pursuing his determination to uncover the truth, Bond and M (JUDI DENCH) interrogate Mr White (JESPER CHRISTENSEN) who reveals the organisation which blackmailed Vesper is far more complex and dangerous than anyone had imagined.

Forensic intelligence links an Mi6 traitor to a bank account in Haiti where a case of mistaken identity introduces Bond to the beautiful but feisty Camille (OLGA KURYLENKO), a woman who has her own vendetta. Camille leads Bond straight to Dominic Greene (MATHIEU AMALRIC), a ruthless business man and major force within the mysterious organisation.

On a mission that leads him to Austria, Italy and South America, Bond discovers that Greene, conspiring to take total control of one of the world’s most important natural resources, is forging a deal with the exiled General Medrano (JOAQUIN COSIO). Using his associates in the organisation, and manipulating his powerful contacts within the CIA and the British government, Greene promises to overthrow the existing regime in a Latin American country, giving the General control of the country in exchange for a seemingly barren piece of land.

In a minefield of treachery, murder and deceit, Bond allies with old friends in a battle to uncover the truth. As he gets closer to finding the man responsible for the betrayal of Vesper, 007 must keep one step ahead of the CIA, the terrorists and even M, to unravel Greene’s sinister plan and stop his organization."

Also, here's a tidbit of behind the scenes filming.

Review: Skinwalkers

Ok, this movie sucks. I could probably end the review right here, but I will elaborate so you know I'm not just hating the movie on principle.

I wanted to like this movie. Despite the fact that it reminds me of a lower budget and "werewolves only" version of Underworld, I still wanted to like this movie. It just let me down on all fronts except for creature effects, which were too few for my taste.

The acting is subpar (even Elias Koteas, veteran of such goodflix as The Prophecy, Apt Pupil, Gattaca, and many others). I'm not sure if I blame the material entirely, as the story and dialogue are wholey unoriginal, or if maybe the actors could have pull this farce up into decency with more effort. Nah, this thing would have sucked even with Oscar caliber actors in it. Which leads me to the writing.

The dialogue is stilted and cliche. You either have 2 dimensional cliche supernatural bikers spewing hyper-hostile psychotic drivel such as "Tell me when Varek, and they're all dead" as said thug points sawed off shotgun at tied up victim's head. Or you have 2 dimensional townies (who seem to be all in on hiding this child of prophecy) who are dull and all-american to a fault. The only people outside of these categories are the kid, his mother, and a couple of bad guys with brains. Unfortunately none of these characters do anything interesting either. The boy seems to have no spunk and cringes alot, the mom does about the same as she deals with learning that there are shape-shifters. And the few bad guys with brains, whell guess what its like they don't want to be bad guys but damnit they just want to love each other and be crazy werebeasts. Of course they will have to do some bad things to there own kind who don't want to be crazy werebeasts with them. Oh and this brings me to another point, this movies title.


I thought going in I mite be treated to a visual feast of cool shapeshifters. Since the title is "Skinwakers" not "Werewolf Civil War". I don't know about everyone else, but when you use a general term for shapeshifters, I kind of imagine I'll be seeing a variety of shifters, not just werewolves. The other problem with the title is that I also expected to see a large amount of shapeshifter action in this. There are precisely 2 scenes in the entire movie (one being protracted, but its still just one instance and mostly at the end) where these folks actually go wolfman. The rest of the time it just seems to be a territory dispute between a biker gang and some townies. It was like an episode of the t.v. show "Renegade" with werwolves in it.

"We call ourselves Skinwalkers, you would call us Werewolves". Really? Cause I would call Skinwalkers shapeshifters, and werewolves I would call...um...werewolves. They could have at least given themselves a proper noun sounding name for what they call themselves, one that doesn't conjure up incorrect expectations of this flick.

Ok now to my 2 final points. The creature effects in this are interesting. Mainly because they go with the classic wolfman appearance, so think more like wolf and caveman combo (think wolfman from Monster Squad). I haven't seen that in a werewolf flick in awhile. Lately they all turn into something like The Howling. And the creature effects were good. They didn't look crummy or poor, and they gave the werewolves at least a small amount of uniqueness from all the others I've seen lately (though they still sucked).

And my final point. This movie rips its ending off from either Terminator, T2, or Cobra. The final show down is like a timewarp back to some bad 80's action movies, except with werewolves. So thats it. I've tried to be as objective as I could, but this movie is lame and no amount of fairness will cure that. Its got poor plot, poor dialogue, actors that weren't used to best effect, an overly complex plot, and ALOT of cliches. So watch it at your own peril.

Jesse A.K.A. Baron Ironfury

Trailer

David Lynch + iPhone = Awesome!

Kick Ass Alert!

So, I've just discovered that, Fumihiko Sori, the director of the asian indie comedy Ping Pong, is remaking Zatoichi. Being a huge samurai fan and Zatoichi fan, I'm kind of suprised. Takeshi Kitano remade Zatoichi not that long ago... so, why do it again? Because now, Zatoichi is a hot chick! Here is the teaser for Ichi




Also, it seems the great Sonny Chiba will also be making a Zatoichi film called Za Toichi, and it is apparently a sendup/homage to the original. It's a good time to be a Zatoichi fan.

DVD Pick of the Week

This week's top pick is the long awaited release on DVD of the second and final season of Lars Von Trier's much heralded, and totally kick ass series, The Kingdom. If you've never heard of this series, I suggest you race right out and buy it or rent it now!

Also, an honorable mention to Torchwood: Season One.

Joe Bob Briggs' Passion #1

Many of you film fanatics out there are big fans of Joe Bob Briggs. What many of you don't know is that, about eight years ago, Joe Bob, aka. John Bloom (his real name) hosted a regular segment on The Daily Show about the trials and tribulations of this country's great religious leaders. In the hopes of spreading John's little know interest in hypocrites, I present our first installment of God Stuff.

Everything That's Wrong with the Movie Industry

Thank god it's going direct to video.

There Will Be Laughs

     When I sat down to write this review initially, the first sentence I wrote was about the fact that I'm not a particularly rabid P.T. Anderson fan. However, the more I think about it, I'm a least a fan of some kind. I've never seen Hard Eight or the love it/hate it Punch Drunk Love. I enjoyed Magnolia and found it to be emotionally engaging and creative; plus, who doesn't love Boogie Nights? The reason I'm telling you this is that, when I sat down to watch his new film, There Will B Blood, I had little to no expectations. Strike that; I half expected the film to be a over wrought, boring, snooty art house flick. So, I was happily surprised when I found myself sitting in an overcrowded theater, laughing my ass off at this movie. That may not be the response you were expecting, but I will explain eventually.
     There Will Be Blood is a very schizophrenic film. It cannot decide whether it wants to be a historical epic, a man's meteoric rise to fortune and his eventual fall, the tale of a father and son, a representation of the two driving forces of American culture, or a black comedy. Thankfully, this is not a bad thing. The film as all of these things and that only helps to rescue it from the boring pretension it could have been. The film is clearly inspired by Orson Welles' Citizen Kane. Like Kane, the film's protagonist makes many choices, good and bad, rises to fame and power, only to eventually fall. Anderson does not hide the Welles influence, as he shouldn't. By taking the approach Welles did, Anderson creates a character who is both likable and unlikable, one who does good and bad. Because of this, the character of Daniel Plainview has a very authentic feeling. He is one of the more well rounded, realistic characters I've seen in a film since I can remember. This alone, coupled with Daniel Day-Lewis' performance, make the film worth seeing.

     As to the title of this review, the thing I loved the most about this film was the copious amounts of dark humor. I was surprised more than once to find myself laughing my ass off at this movie. The film is riddled with dark humor, especially towards the end. As a matter of fact, the film is worth seeing for the final scene alone which is both hilarious and satisfying. Most of the humor comes from Daniel Day-Lewis' great performance. However, it would not be nearly as satisfying of not for the acting of Paul Dano, who plays the main rival in the film.
     So, it's safe to say that I really liked this film, and I recommend it whole heartedly. For the potential viewer, I'd like to stress two points once more. Daniel Plainview is not an evil man or a "soul-dead" man like most reviews have been saying. That is far to easy a classification. Like the rest of us, he is simply a man. Also, keep your eye open for that dark humor I loved so much. Don't forget the milkshake.


Trailer


Submitted by Noah Soudrette