Review: Hawk the Slayer (1980)

Well folks, its been awhile since the last update. Our editor in chief has had some electrical impairments. But we are back! And what better cinematic tone to come back with than something so terrible it's awesome! I bring you: Hawk the Slayer Directed by Terry Marcel and written by Terry Marcel and Harry Robertson.

How to describe this film? I'll borrow one of my "Editor in Chief's" lead ins.

Do you like Jack Palance?

Do you like Elves that talk like 1950's robots?

Do you like extensive flute solos in your soundtrack?

Then you will love this movie! It's the story of Hawk, who's woman and father are both taken out by his dear older brother Voltan (excellently played by Jack Palance). The rest of the film is a cross between revenge story and heroic saving of.... drum roll please... an abby of nuns! Well okay actually it's to save the Abbes of the nuns.



Of course no revenge/rescue story would be complete with out the assembling of your heroic companions. We have a giant, who isn't all that giant really. An elf that makes Vulcans look emotional (and could double as Robby the Robot). A one handed man with a repeater crossbow (don't ask me how that works) and a tendency to be stabbed more than a pin cushion. And finally we have a dwarf that is more like a halfling, and less like a fierce dwarf warrior.

The strength of this film is in how terribly craptastic it is, while trying to be serious and good. Its got so many terrible technical choices its hard to list them all. The two that stick out the most for me are excessive early montage scenes and terrible cinematic effects to show speed. We, the viewer, are treated to two overly long and boring riding montage scenes involving the hero Hawk. But of course without these scenes we wouldn't be treated to such awesome flute heavy music.



Then of course there is the use of the same clip of film (the elf firing his bow, or the one-handed man with the repeater crossbow) being looped to show rapid bow fire. Normally I wouldn't cut the film slack for this, but it was so funny it won me over with its crappiness. There is more, but these are the two instances that really stuck out for me.

On the down side, the film's ending sets things up for a sequel. Of course its too terrible to ever get one, but it's so much fun to imagine it though.



To sum up, this is a terrible film. The main character Hawk is acted by a mannequin, and most of the secondary characters are terribly acted as well. Jack Palance's acting is the only real bright spot in the acting department. The plot is cliche and reminds me of several martial arts films I've seen in the past. At one point in the movie I thought a witch was trying to trap Hawk in the phantom zone (you know, from Superman 2). The sets are okay, and the music is awesomely bad. In the end it all ads up to great cheesy fun.

Jesse "Baron Ironfury" Stevens

Trailer