Quotes of Note: No Country for Old Men (2007)

"You know what date is on this coin?... 1958. It's been traveling twenty-two years to get here. And now it's here. And it's either heads or tails. And you have to say. Call it."

Review: Doomsday

Do you like Escape From New York?

Do you like The Warriors?

Do you wish there were more kick ass post-apocalypse movies out there?

Well you fuckin' better or I'll cave your skull in with a Louisville Slugger full of rusty nails! Actually, to be honest, when I first heard about Doomsday I wasn't too jazzed. Then, I found out it was being written and directed by Neil Marshall. If you don't recognize Neil's name, he's the writer/director of the best werewolf movie in decades, Dog Soldiers, and the painfully claustrophobic Descent. Still, after this, for some reason, I wasn't jazzed. I must have come down with a mild case of dumb ass, because I should have been jumping up and down, reading Snake Plissken comics, listening to my Warriors soundtrack, while watching Enzo G. Castaleri sci-fi flicks. That would have been a pretty good prep for Doomsday.

You know how Quentin Tarantino makes endless pastiches/homages to the films of the seventies that he loves, and gets called a genius for it? Well, he should, because those movies kick ass. I bring this up, because Neil Marshall has done just that, except with eighties films. Of course, if you go read some of the other reviews out there for Doomsday, like the one over on Fangoria, all you'll hear about is how this feels like a film, "coming from a feature first-timer who has yet to develop his own voice and feels most comfortable homaging favorites from the past." Gee, I don't think Quentin ever grew out of that phase, and people like Fango (and myself) have had are hands down his pants, giving him a sack tickle over it ever since. So what's so wrong with Neil wanting to make a fun homage film? Well, Fango thinks it's a, "real shame... that it comes from writer/director Neil Marshall, who brought a fierce originality and vision to his two previous movies." Well, they're right about one thing. Neil is highly original. So that means he can't make a film that's derivative and good?

You know what? Fuck you Fangoria! It's not just that your opinion sucks, it's that myself and others are even listening to your opinion anymore. You went from the top of the horror totem poll, to possibly the worst horror publication on magazine shelves. You know why? Because the films you cover these days, and the films you endorse, suck! They don't just suck, they suck big giant donkey balls. Sorry... I just had to get that out. But, Fangoria is just an example of the types of negative reviews I read of this film today. What is wrong with you people?! While you're entitled to your opinion (no matter how shitty it is), your not only falling prey to your own twisted, self involved film expectations, but your biting the hand that feeds you. Do you know how often talented, original film directors come along and make crazy, hilarious, and balls out actiony, post-apocalypse movies? Well, not since 1981! So, 27 years later, along comes Neil Marshall, and all you can say is "it's not original enough." To quote Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog: "Who gives a shit!?"




Okay, now that I've got a small portion of my hatred for modern film audiences out of the way, let's talk about why I loved this film. First off, Rhona Mitra is incredibly awesome, and incredibly hot, as Eden Sinclair, the videoscopic glass eye sporting, Snake Plissken eye patch wearing, chew you up and spit you out heroine of the film. Don't sit there and tell me I'm sexist for calling out Mitra's hotness, because I guarantee, every straight and gay woman who saw this movie agrees with me. On top of her (so to speak), we have Alexander Siddig (Deep Space Nine) playing an asshole PM. Bob Hoskins as Eden's chain smoking commander, Malcolm McDowell ruling a Scottish castle (complete with knights), and an ever lovin' gimp mobile, piloted by the halfbreed children of cannibals and soccer hooligans! If you don't like that, then there's nothing left that I can do for you.

I'm telling you right now, no matter how many bad reviews you read in the trades, or negative comments you hear from coworkers, or mindless negative reviews told to you by tasteless friends, go see this movie. I guarantee you'll like it.

Noah "Annubis" Soudrette

Trailer

Review: No Country for Old Men

If you like movies that are different because they contain antagonists of biblical wrath, then you will like this movie. If you like movies that are different because they are closer to the brutal and gray tones and tempo of life, then you will like this movie.

I'm not even sure I need to go into a brief overview of this movie, its been so well talked about. But I will anyways for the benefit of ordering it in my head again. A man is hunting in rural Texas and happens on an illicit deal gone bad. He leaves a truck full of drugs, and takes $2 million in cash. This is where he gets swept up into the destructive path of a killer. The rest of the movie is what happens while the first man tries to evade destruction at the hands of the second man, and gangs of drug thugs from south of the border.

This is a nasty and brutal tale, though elegant in its simplicity. Llewelyn Moss (played by Josh Brolin) is a determined man, who finds himself in something and can't make himself let it go. As it turns out he is also a very smart man when it comes to matters of evading a stalking death, or at least he is smarter than just about everyone else Anton Chigurh has set his deadly sights on. He manages to last most of the movie and even be the only one to wound Chigurh.

This of course leads me to my very favorite character in the movie, Anton Chigurh. Played masterfully by Javier Bardem. This man will be the embodiment of a completely committed killer for the rest of my days. I feel that if he felt it stood between him and the money or someone who had the money, he would very calmly and without hesitation toss a large fire bomb into an orphanage full of babies. He kills for a living and he is cold and methodical about it. Yet he also has a very strict code he seems to hold himself to, all be it a simple code. He takes his boots off before walking from his motel room to another motel room, where he is going to have to kill people. Then after he brutally and efficiently kills three men, he takes his socks off because they have blood on them, and cleanly walks back to his motel room. This is just one of many instances where Anton Chigurh is demonstrated to be the smoothest and most dangerous killer I've ever seen in film to date. I now want this guy to be a bond bad guy in one of the newer films, I think this guy is the best villain I've ver seen (and I've seen a lot).

These are our two main characters. Everyone else in the movie is fantastic as well, though many only will spend 5-10 minutes on screen. Tommy Lee Jones is as always, fantastic in every way. But the stand out of the supporting cast, for me anyways, is Kelly MacDonald. She was born in Glasgow, Scotland. Yet in this film she plays a little Texas woman, who seems very natural in a trailer park. She had not one lick of an accent, except for the Texas drawl her character has, and she has a very revealing final conversation with Chigurh before he fulfills his word. I was shocked when I found out that not only was this woman not from Texas (as she played it so well) but was not even from the USA. So for me, her's is a performance that stands out above a cast of stellar actors and characters, simply because I would have sworn she was from Texasafter having seen this film.

I want to say a little about the style and pacing of this narrative before I close it up. I love every aspect of this film, and I love it because its very real and simple. People die a lot in this film, and they die brutally and they die quickly. This is how life happens, brutally and quickly. Good guys die, and bad guys walk away. Of course even better is how the lines between good guy and bad guy are blurred here. Llewelyn is guilty of being stubborn, perhaps to a fault some would say, and it probably gets other people hurt. Anton Chigurh is a man who sticks to his principles, even when it presents him with a difficult path (which he walks and overcomes all obstacles), and I can't really hate a character for that.

This is a story of real people, that seems to begin and end in the middle of something. And this fact is o.k. with me, because I feel the reality of that. Many will say, "this movie is bloody and strange", and they will push it aside as just some weird art house movie. But some, I count myself one, will look at this and say, "This is genuine, this is life, and this is a great film". And thats fine with me.

Jesse "Baron Ironfury" Stevens

Trailer

Cockpuncher!

Over at CHUD.com they have a rather harsh article about the trailer for The Onion Movie. Now, I'm not a big Onion fan, but I do love flicks like Airplane and Kentucky Fried Movie, and this film seems to fit perfectly with those:

I'll be Bill Murray and you'll be everyone else.

This is a fun movie, unless you hate Jack Black and Dante "Mos Def" Smith. Its a funny little comedy that plays on your love of movies and takes a shot at "Big Chain Video"stores and movie studios.

Essentially Black and Mos Def play well meaning but bumbling Jersey guys. Black is the more disaster prone of the two. Black is magnetized in a power plant accident, and unfortunately erases all the video tapes at the local struggling independent video store. To keep people from going to the local video chain, they start making their own versions of the destroyed movies (from memory of course). Hilarity and sweding ensues. This is all set against the classic movie storyline of neighborhood development destroying longtime residents and businesses.

All of the acting in this movie is fantastic and very funny. And while Black and Mos Def are typically hilarious for me, the shining star for me is the character of Alma played by Melonie Diaz. She is swept up into the two guys video plans, and provides them with a very levelheaded but still quirky balance for their bumbling enthusiasm.

The best part of the whole movie is the sweded movies (Black/Mos Def's short versions of the movies). I laughed non-stop through this entire section of the middle of the film, particularly at Black's portrayal of Jessica Tandy in "Driving Miss Daisy".

Its a unique comedy with heart, in a season full of sappy sweet comedy drivel. Its sweet with out being sappy, and its edgy without being too much. I wouldn't normally go to see this sort of thing in a theater but I am happy that I did. If you like Jack Black and/or Dante "Mos Def" Smith, if you like parodies of movie classics both modern and old, if you want to find out how bitchy New Jersey folks are, then you will like this movie.

Jesse "Baron Ironfury" Stevens


Trailer

If on your journey, you should encounter God, God will be cut.

Bobby "Linn" Haynes
R.I.P.
1975-2008

Some of you may not be familiar with Linn Haynes. Linn has been a film scholar and enthusiast working behind the scenes for years to get rare and unappreciated martial arts films the kind of release and respect they deserve. Only in the last few years had he succeeded and went to work as an adviser to BCI and Media Blasters. Linn has been a well known fixture at many popular film forums and was one of the most knowledge, polite, and decent people out there. He will be missed. I personally never got to know Linn, but the mutual love we shared for film, the work he did to give foreign film a voice in this country, and even the fact we worked for the same company, make me feel like he was a brother. You will be missed.

Read the news report of his death here.

Also, visit this thread to hear more about Linn and the people he touched.