A Sad Day

So, I just finished watching George Romero's Diary of the Dead. I'd heard a lot about this film when it first came out. I remember that the first few reviews that hit the web were stunningly positive. I was psyched. Then, a flood of negative reviews followed and I became a little more guarded concerning what to expect from this film. I had intended to simply rent the picture, not wanting to take a chance on buying it. Well, today I figured, it's a Romero movie, even if it's not very good it should still be better than most of what's out there. Well, as you can probably guess from the title of this post, I was disappointed. I never thought I'd say this, but here it goes. George Romero's new movie is a melodramatic, poorly acted, overly talkative, boring turd pile. There I said it. I want to cry. I have always loved Romero's films, even the not so great entries in his body of work, like Monkey Shines or Bruiser. This however, is indefensibly bad. I almost can't believe it. I'd really rather not write about this anymore as it is incredibly depressing, but I think it's best to focus on my three biggest problems with the film, and not get bogged down in all the little things I hated.

First, I'll start with the acting. It sucks. Bad. If we compare this "found footage" type film to others, we should take a look at the acting in Cloverfield. Even though all the characters in Cloverfield are these well to do rich white people, we still get a good grasp of their characters and there's some likability there because the actors have personality. The actors in this film have no personality whatsoever. Secondly, and one could argue this goes hand in hand with bad acting, is a shitty script. The dialog is putrid, the film seems to have no point whatsoever, and all the characters just seem to be wandering through their parts as their characters wander through a plotless world. One thing many have been harping on is the shitty narration, which only acts to overstate the patently obvious and interrupt any kind of momentum the film has built up. This leads to my biggest problem with the film. This film is so fucking boring! I could forgive it if it still had some thrilling set pieces or interesting moments of some kind. Instead, I found myself sitting there wondering when it was going to end, and why there were so fucking few zombies in this damn zombie film!



As I was thinking about all this while watching the film, it hit me. Maybe Romero is doing this on purpose. Maybe he wants these kids to act badly. Perhaps the whole thing is overly talking and over stated and melodramatic on purpose. There are indeed some funny and self referential moments in the film. There's a very funny sequence with a deaf and dumb Amish farmer, and you also hear someone say something about adding a underlying social commentary to their horror film. So clearly, Romero's having some fun at his own expense here. Does that mean, that this whole thing is simply Romero's deconstruction of the modern horror film, and that what we've been watching all along is a spoof/satire? Well, if that's the case, the film does fair a little better, but I'm hard pressed to believe it. And in either case, the movie just isn't enjoyable, even assuming all its problems are intentional. Sadly, no matter how I try and convince myself to like this film, I can't. And, I can sit here all day and try and force myself to believe that it's a good movie, but it isn't. So, here's hoping this is just a one off mistake, and Romero can pull it out of the bag on his next one. Otherwise, we're witnessing the steady decline of a once great filmmaker. God I hope I'm wrong. Do yourselves a favor. Skip this movie and find a copy of [REC]. You'll thank me for it.


P.S. - One good thing about the DVD purchase is that it features a zombie short film by Teller, of Penn & Teller fame, which is absolutely brilliant. I've posted it below the trailer.

Trailer


& Teller

Summer Movie Smackdown! Battle #1: Iron Man vs. The Incredible Hulk

Well, the first movie face off on my summer movie bracket has a winner. I saw The Incredible Hulk last night, and I have to say that I was pleasantly surprised. When I first saw the previews for this (the one without the Tim Roth smack down), I wasn't very enthused. But, as we got glimpses of the action sequences, I became a bit more interested. My other concern though was that there would be far too much brooking and oh-woe-is-meing by Bruce Banner. Thankfully, it's not that bad. There's a nice amount of action here, even if one does get frustrated with the military's futile attempts to capture Banner. The final fight is what you'd expect and was pretty decent, but the biggest surprise is the non-Hulk moments. Ed Norton does a great job here and the chemistry he was with Liv Tyler is palpable. I can see why Ed got a little upset at them cutting out some of the character development, but the film is nicely paced in its current incarnation and I look forward to seeing those scenes on the DVD.

Now, how does the new and improved Hulk fare against Iron Man? Well, as Baron Ironfury pointed out the other day, The Incredible Hulk, doesn't have to worry itself about telling an origin story, and that definitely helps. However, as good as Ed Norton is, he simply can't compare to the fun and likability of Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark. However, (SPOILER, highlight blank to view) Downey does make an appearance as Tony Stark towards the end of Incredible Hulk, which is very fun. Plus, unexpectedly, the Leader shows up!! Still, one cannot deny the greatness of Iron Man, and it wins out in this particular head to head.

Here is the updated bracket:

Review: [REC]

I have just seen, what might possibly have been, the scariest movie going experience of my life. I know that sounds bombastic, but as I sit here and type this my pulse is still fucking racing. I'm also having a hard time coming up with what to say here. So, maybe I'll start off with a little info session. Directed by Paco Plaza (Romasanta) and Jaume Balaguero (Darkness, Nameless) is a found footage film about a TV crew who are following a fire department as part of a show detailing people who work while the rest of us sleep. When they get a call about a woman trapped in her apartment and head into said apartment building, things begin to get weird. The woman in question is deranged and attacks a police officer. When they try to move the officer outside for medical attention, they find the building sealed due to a supposed health concern. You can see where this is going, and it may not sound like anything special, but trust me, it is.

This film mixes the maze-like claustrophobic feel of Demons 2, with the best parts of 28 Weeks Later, and a dash of character and true originality, to produce a horror film that made me shake, yell, cover my eyes, which I've almost never fucking done, and make me nearly hyperventilate. I was only able to watch this film on a burned DVD alone in my room, and not with an audience in a theater. I could only image the screaming that would accompany a public viewing of this film. This could easily make it onto my top ten horror films of all time list.

Now, while I clearly loved this film, I want to talk about why you've possibly never heard of it, and why you might not see it for years. Screen Gems has snatched up the rights to the film as well as the rights to remake it in English, make it seriously not scary, and call it Quarantine. Also, they were kind enough to give away the final shot of the original, in the trailer for their shitty looking remake. Because of this, they have effectively buried the original, in the hopes that no one will ever find out how shit their remake is going to be. Fuck you Screen Gems. I hope your fucking remake bombs. I'm pretty sure it'll get panned, but I hope the only people who go see it, are homeless people who've sneaked into the theater so they could take a shit in the corner. If you think my reaction is harsh. Just watch the respective trailers for each film posted below, and see if you disagree with me.

Trailer (Original)


Trailer (Remake)

Summer Movie Smackdown!

For some reason, while the films this summer may not have the most quality, there are a hell of a lot of them. For once, I actually feel like seeing most of them as well. So, I've decided to have a little fun with it and do up a summer movie elimination bracket ala the NCAA. Feel free to make your own brackets and submit them, or hold onto mine and use it yourself. While I did have a hard time finding 16 movies I wanted to see this summer, you may want to drop it down to 8. Anyway, here it is. I'll update as certain battles get a winner.

Review: What Would Jesus Buy?

I just had the fortune of watching What Would Jesus Buy? for the first time and even though it focuses on Christmas (it is currently May), and it deals with protesters (which can be a very eye rolling thing), this is definitely a movie I’m tempted to run out and buy, ironically. The film follows Reverend Billy and his Stop Shopping Choir across the country as they perform a protest/sermon/musical theater/play anywhere that consumerism rears its ugly head. Now, the first question you might ask yourself is, “Are these people really serious or is this whole thing just disingenuous?” Well, while the protest nature of these performances and appearances do have a staged quality, mainly because they’re staged, it is both Billy’s message, and his character that bring a real spontaneous passionate quality to the proceedings. These people are simply trying to get a point across, and thankfully, they’re going about it in an entertaining way.

Billy’s message obviously raises a lot of questions and issues. While these people are making money off of this whole thing in the first place, it becomes very clear that between arrests, buses, hotel rooms, food, etc. that they’re not profiting from their endeavor in a monetary way. Also, one has to wonder, how can I simply stop shopping? But, what Billy’s “church” does is preach responsible shopping. They emphasize buying American products, putting your money back into the community, saving, recycling, giving, being a considerate and responsible person and avoiding the addictive qualities of tying to buy satisfaction. Also, while the group’s religious nature may be highly dubious, there is no doubt that their message applies perfectly to those of faith. Jesus, or Mohamed, or Buddha, or whoever doesn’t want you to sell yourself into the slavery of debt in an attempt to make yourself, or your kids happy. These people out the emphasis on meaning, not monetary value. I’m sure we’ve all seen our own family members pile giant plastic Christmas gift after giant plastic Christmas gift onto their children, only for the child to be more interested in the empty box the thing came in as opposed to the one hundred dollar Barbie castle.


A whole slew of people and perspectives are offered up here between Billy’s shenanigans. We see the poor and the rich, and hear about their Christmases. You’ll hear children agreeing that they have way too many toys. You’ll see footage of shoppers beating each other into submission to reach that last X-Box 360. Many faith leaders also chime in on the significance and righteousness of Billy’s message. There are equal amounts of humor, sadness, and truth to be found here, and I find it hard to believe that anyone won’t get swept up in the spirit of this film. This is only aided by the focus on the members of Billy’s group, their trials and tribulations, the good times and the bus accidents. It must be seen to be believed.

So, I clearly liked the film, there’s no question about that after reading my gushing endorsement. I would however, like to get personal for a moment. I have worked in retail all of my life. I know first hand how much people let objects rule their lives. I have been insulted, threatened, picked on, and praised all because of little stacks of paper glued together, with writing on them, which I happen to sell. Our value as employees is based on our ability to sell. We are judged on our ability to convince people that they need something that they don’t. And, while it’s not a very happy or fulfilling job, I don’t take it for granted and I don’t forget that I’m lucky to have it. I work for a company that can only be found in America. The vast majority of the books we sell are printed right here in America as well. We do not outsource. All our employees are Americans (yes, even our phone reps, I believe). That is a rare thing indeed these days. Yet, I can’t even earn enough money, having worked forty hours a week for almost nine years, to have a place of my own. I have over ten grand in credit card debt, and own practically nothing. Would I get paid more if all our books were printed in China and all the jobs we could possibly outsource, were outsourced? Maybe, maybe not. I’m just glad that’s not the case. I like to think Billy would get behind shopping at my place of business.


So, I think every American owes it to his or her self to see this movie. Do you have to take it seriously? Not at all. It works as a great piece of entertainment on its own. Don’t let all my seriousness dissuade you from giving this a viewing. That’s just how I get when I write film reviews at five in the morning. Can I get a changelujah!?

Noah "Annubis" Soudrette


Trailer